Singing the Swine Flu Away

Researchers at the prestigious Placebo Power Institute have released the results of their recent experiments which may indicate that practitioners of Dr. Cox and Dr. None's revolutionary new breathing/singing technique, as described in their book Experience Life Before Death in Two Minutes & Fifty Seconds, may inadvertently be innoculating themselves against Swine Flu.

Early results show that not one of the devotees of the technique has been struck down with the disease, which is on the verge of being declared a pandemic.

"It seems we may have serendipitously invented a safe and reliable vaccination which is 100% effective against Swine Flu," says a somewhat perplexed Dr. None.

He pointed out that many discoveries in Science such as X Rays and penicillin have been made accidently and has offered to make copies of his new book Experience Life Before Death in Two Minutes & Fifty Seconds, more freely available.

"I have been in touch with the publishers, PP House and they tell me that they will have at least 100,000 copies distributed to All Good Bookstores within a week," he said.

If the Institute's findings prove to be accurate then at only $29.95, Experience Life Before Death in Two Minutes & Fifty Seconds would seem a cheap investment in Health Insurance.

Get a Life, Get the Book

Now you too can feel the the joy that only genuine Pre-Death experiences can give.

In their new book, Experience Life Before Death in Two Minutes & Fifty Seconds, celebrity Placebopaths, Dr. M. Cox and Dr. O. None reveal the results of their research at the prestigious Placebo Power Institute.

Using a new breathing technique, patented by the two doctors, patients have been able to induce genuine Pre-death or 'future-life' experiences never dreamed of before.

"If you aren't achieving Pre-Death experiences as described in our book, you aren't really alive," says Dr. None.

Get your copy of the book that will change your life at all good bookstores. Only $29.95

But wait, there's more. Many patients choose to change their name to compliment their new lives. With each copy you'll receive, ABSOLUTELY FREE, a copy of "EVERY NATIVE NAME KNOWN", a compendium of names from 'Aardvarkus' to 'Zottomica drawn from native tribes from Africa to Alaska.

Testimonial

Dear Drs. Cox and None,
I write to thank you for wonderful groundbreaking work which has totally transformed my life.
Before I bought your remarkable book, Experience Life Before Death in Two Minutes & Fifty Seconds, my life seemed empty and without meaning.
I had attended some health retreats over the years and had several 'past-life' experiences but frankly what good was it to know that I was previously Cleopatra and Joan of Arc when I had to return to my life as a bored suburban housewife with an overweight husband, two screaming kids and a mortgage.
Now I'm FREE and it's all thanks to you and your amazing technique.
Whenever I feel a little down, I inhale deeply and, on one long breath, sing the Sacred song- Does Your Chewing Gum Lose its Flavour on the Bedpost Overnight.
As I start to sing I am instantly overwhelmed by the feeling that there must be more to life than Bert and those kids, followed by waves of consciousness that I had never experienced before I tried your revolutionary technique.
In this altered state of being I am acutely aware that my life has a higher purpose and that I will soon be called to pursue my dream of a supermodelling career or perhaps be asked to be a judge on Australian Idol.
Sometimes I allow myself several of these Pre-Death, 'future-life' experiences a day, between household chores of course.
Thanks to you and your amazing book my life is now fulfilled.

Thanks again Docs,
Marge (Moonbeam) Johnson

Thanks Moonbeam,
we agree; past-life experiences are so passe. That's why we've developed our technique which gives the far more satisfying future-life, or as we call them, Pre-Death experiences.
Dr. N

Another first for Placebo Power

My colleague Dr Cox reports that he is "currently working on a technique which will allow patients to have genuine pre-death experiences, confirming my belief that during life most people travel down a long white corridor with lights, demonstrating conclusively the existence of life before death".

This is another outstanding first for the Placebo Power label and reinforces it's high standing in the natural therapy industry.

AMAZING NEW TECHNIQUE- I'M EXCITED

I just heard Nick Rheinberger on ABC Illawarra interview one 'Elvis Pavarotti" re his amazing natural therapy- special breathing exercises that not only relieve back pain but have the highly desirable side-effect of making you able to sing. In this guy's case like both Elvis (Presley, not Costello) and also Pavarotti. Incredible stuff.

Of course it only works if you place your left palm over your navel and make an affirmation of intention to get well. (I'm sorry, that bit was a given; I don't know why I even mentioned it really.)

I myself have been working on a similar technique which involves singing the complete song "Does Your Chewing Gum Lose Its Flavour on the Bedpost Overnight" which when done on only one breath, seems to cure lumbago, warts, psoriasis, haemorroids and a wide range of conditions of the nether-regions, amongst others.

WARNING: DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME. The ability to hold one's breath for such an extended period of time, whilst singing the sacred hit song, must be developed gradually under the supervision and tuition of a trained instructor from the Placebo Power Institute.

An unsupervised, failed attempt can lead to severe complications including irritable bowel syndrome, constipation, baldness, premature aging and an annoying itch in the centre of the back, right at the spot that's hard to reach; you know the one.

By the way, can anyone think of a catchy name? The "Does Your Chewing Gum Lose Its Flavour on the Bedpost Overnight" technique is a bit of a mouthful and might hold progress back. I suppose I could just go generic and call it X-Technique, like 'X-Rays' but they're dangerous I reckon and will probably come to nothing anyway. Besides, I don't trust doctors, so maybe a more mystical name is the way to go. Suggestions to none@westnet.com.au.