APMS formed

Recently the Vice Cancellor of the prestigous Placebo Power Institute, Dr. O. None made representations to the Australian Traditional Medicine Society, ATMS, for the inclusion of Placebology as an accredited natural medicine.
Unfortunately this approach fell on deaf ears and the Australian Placebo Medicine Society, APMS, was born.
APMS will solely accredit Placebopaths, so that consumers can have complete faith when dealing with an accredited APMS member that all remedies dispensed are Placebo-Active*.
A logo is currently being developed and coffee mugs, T shirts, pens and paperweights should be available soon.
Drs. None, Cox and Berlecky are now proud announce that they are the foundation members of APMS.
Copyright None Laboratories 2009

Homeopathic tooth care

Placebo Power is proud to announce the launch of 'Homeotooth', a breakthrough in tooth care for growing teeth.

Homeotooth may look like water and taste like water but the secret is in the infinite dilution process that sets Homeotooth apart from other tooth care products.

Simply purchase a bottle of Homeotooth concentate and follow the instructions* printed on the bottle to make your own tooth enamel hardening preparation. One bottle will last a lifetime. Properly diluted, Homeotooth will strengthen enamel and lead to the growth of stronger, healthier teeth.

* The Homeotooth Dilution Process

• Pour all but a few drops of the contents of the bottle of Homeotooth down the sink.
• Fill with water from the tap.
• Repeat this process seven times.
• Drink liberally.
• Always leave a few drops in the bottle before refilling from the tap.

Note: guarantee voided in areas with a non-fluoridated water supply.

Four More Miracles from None

The boffins at None Laboratories have really been inspired by the success of H2zerO
They've come up with 4 new remedies that are sure to be equally popular.
All are Placebo-Active and formulated to ensure maximum Placebo effect with NO side-effects.

They are (left to right above)-
1. Dr. None's Magical Mystery Cure- effective for all mystery ailments
2. Amazing Hair Restorer- this product is guaranteed to put hairs on your head.
3. Incredible Spirit Remover- never be spooked again. DIY exorcisms in a bottle.
4. Homeopathic style Elixer of Youth- Feel young again with this remarkable product. Contains K9P

Tapping the Mind

In order to bring Placebo Power to the masses, Drs. None and Cox have launched a new product which has exactly the same active ingredient as all their other popular medications- none.

Called simply H2zerO it is a Placebo-Active alternative to bottled water and contains absolutely no substance with any therapeutic activity so that you can be assured that any benefit you feel is due to the incredible power of your own mind.

Look for H2zerO at supermarkets, service stations and cafes near you soon.

Because anything is possible.

Placebo Power Pioneer Promoted to Professor

Placebo researcher Dr. Michael Cox has been rewarded for his pioneering work at the prestigious Placebo Power Institute with a professorship by Institute Vice Chancellor Dr. O. None.

In announcing the promotion Dr. None said, " Dr. Cox's research has resulted in many discoveries in the field of Placebo medicine but perhaps none is more significant than his revelation that there is indeed life before death. His conceptualisation of genuine pre-death experiences* and the breathing technique it led to, have brought such joy and fulfillment to so many people that the World may never be the same again".

Professor Cox will now spearhead the Institute's R&D team for the forseeable future.

* patent pending

PP Launches Homepathy +

Imagine a therapy with the proven power of the Placebo plus the incredible mystery of Homeopathy.

Well, that's exactly what leading Placebo Power practitioner Dr. Michael Cox has done. Working at the prestigious Placebo Power Institute, Dr. Cox conducted a thought experiment which reasoned that-

"if miniscule quantities of a substance can bring about recovery, then taking this notion just one step further, it became abundantly clear that providing patients with remedies that contain absolutely none at all of any active substance would enhance the efficacy of these remedies by several orders of magnitude".
A peer revue by Placebo Power Institute Vice Chancellor, Dr O. None confirmed the logic of this approach.
Already many of Dr. Cox's patients are experiencing the positive effects of this new addition to the Placebo Power stable of treatments.
Dr. Cox calls this breathtaking breakthrough Homeopathy +.

The boffins at None Laboratories are busy formulating a preparation based on this startling discovery which should be available commercially soon.

Relief at Last

I heard a 'Pet Communicator' on Fiona Wyllie's ABC radio program yesterday. She helps people communicate with the spirits of departed pets so that they can complete the greiving process. I know, some people probably think she's having us on but personally I believed every word.

Anyway, I suddenly realised why I had been hearing cats and dogs howling all night. It wasn't the neighbour's pets on the loose. It was the ghosts of Scamp and Tinkers, my childhood buddies, who unfortunately perished when the model volcano I made as a school project got out of control.

When Mum and Dad rebuilt the house and cooled down a bit they bought me another puppy and kitten but they were never as cute as Scamps and Tinkers.

Anyway, last night I made up a tincture of 'nothing much'* in a generous slurp of brandy and slept like a log for the first time in years. Didn't hear a dog or cat all night.

I might market it as "Spirit Remover" because it looks like it worked. Someone, or something, drank the bowl of Spirit Remover I left out and the neighbour just rang to ask me to search for his dog and cat who seem to have gone missing.

I think I'm on to something. Maybe I should flog some to Fiona's guest.

* technical term for a active ingredient in Placebo medicine.

Singing the Swine Flu Away

Researchers at the prestigious Placebo Power Institute have released the results of their recent experiments which may indicate that practitioners of Dr. Cox and Dr. None's revolutionary new breathing/singing technique, as described in their book Experience Life Before Death in Two Minutes & Fifty Seconds, may inadvertently be innoculating themselves against Swine Flu.

Early results show that not one of the devotees of the technique has been struck down with the disease, which is on the verge of being declared a pandemic.

"It seems we may have serendipitously invented a safe and reliable vaccination which is 100% effective against Swine Flu," says a somewhat perplexed Dr. None.

He pointed out that many discoveries in Science such as X Rays and penicillin have been made accidently and has offered to make copies of his new book Experience Life Before Death in Two Minutes & Fifty Seconds, more freely available.

"I have been in touch with the publishers, PP House and they tell me that they will have at least 100,000 copies distributed to All Good Bookstores within a week," he said.

If the Institute's findings prove to be accurate then at only $29.95, Experience Life Before Death in Two Minutes & Fifty Seconds would seem a cheap investment in Health Insurance.

Get a Life, Get the Book

Now you too can feel the the joy that only genuine Pre-Death experiences can give.

In their new book, Experience Life Before Death in Two Minutes & Fifty Seconds, celebrity Placebopaths, Dr. M. Cox and Dr. O. None reveal the results of their research at the prestigious Placebo Power Institute.

Using a new breathing technique, patented by the two doctors, patients have been able to induce genuine Pre-death or 'future-life' experiences never dreamed of before.

"If you aren't achieving Pre-Death experiences as described in our book, you aren't really alive," says Dr. None.

Get your copy of the book that will change your life at all good bookstores. Only $29.95

But wait, there's more. Many patients choose to change their name to compliment their new lives. With each copy you'll receive, ABSOLUTELY FREE, a copy of "EVERY NATIVE NAME KNOWN", a compendium of names from 'Aardvarkus' to 'Zottomica drawn from native tribes from Africa to Alaska.

Testimonial

Dear Drs. Cox and None,
I write to thank you for wonderful groundbreaking work which has totally transformed my life.
Before I bought your remarkable book, Experience Life Before Death in Two Minutes & Fifty Seconds, my life seemed empty and without meaning.
I had attended some health retreats over the years and had several 'past-life' experiences but frankly what good was it to know that I was previously Cleopatra and Joan of Arc when I had to return to my life as a bored suburban housewife with an overweight husband, two screaming kids and a mortgage.
Now I'm FREE and it's all thanks to you and your amazing technique.
Whenever I feel a little down, I inhale deeply and, on one long breath, sing the Sacred song- Does Your Chewing Gum Lose its Flavour on the Bedpost Overnight.
As I start to sing I am instantly overwhelmed by the feeling that there must be more to life than Bert and those kids, followed by waves of consciousness that I had never experienced before I tried your revolutionary technique.
In this altered state of being I am acutely aware that my life has a higher purpose and that I will soon be called to pursue my dream of a supermodelling career or perhaps be asked to be a judge on Australian Idol.
Sometimes I allow myself several of these Pre-Death, 'future-life' experiences a day, between household chores of course.
Thanks to you and your amazing book my life is now fulfilled.

Thanks again Docs,
Marge (Moonbeam) Johnson

Thanks Moonbeam,
we agree; past-life experiences are so passe. That's why we've developed our technique which gives the far more satisfying future-life, or as we call them, Pre-Death experiences.
Dr. N

Another first for Placebo Power

My colleague Dr Cox reports that he is "currently working on a technique which will allow patients to have genuine pre-death experiences, confirming my belief that during life most people travel down a long white corridor with lights, demonstrating conclusively the existence of life before death".

This is another outstanding first for the Placebo Power label and reinforces it's high standing in the natural therapy industry.

AMAZING NEW TECHNIQUE- I'M EXCITED

I just heard Nick Rheinberger on ABC Illawarra interview one 'Elvis Pavarotti" re his amazing natural therapy- special breathing exercises that not only relieve back pain but have the highly desirable side-effect of making you able to sing. In this guy's case like both Elvis (Presley, not Costello) and also Pavarotti. Incredible stuff.

Of course it only works if you place your left palm over your navel and make an affirmation of intention to get well. (I'm sorry, that bit was a given; I don't know why I even mentioned it really.)

I myself have been working on a similar technique which involves singing the complete song "Does Your Chewing Gum Lose Its Flavour on the Bedpost Overnight" which when done on only one breath, seems to cure lumbago, warts, psoriasis, haemorroids and a wide range of conditions of the nether-regions, amongst others.

WARNING: DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME. The ability to hold one's breath for such an extended period of time, whilst singing the sacred hit song, must be developed gradually under the supervision and tuition of a trained instructor from the Placebo Power Institute.

An unsupervised, failed attempt can lead to severe complications including irritable bowel syndrome, constipation, baldness, premature aging and an annoying itch in the centre of the back, right at the spot that's hard to reach; you know the one.

By the way, can anyone think of a catchy name? The "Does Your Chewing Gum Lose Its Flavour on the Bedpost Overnight" technique is a bit of a mouthful and might hold progress back. I suppose I could just go generic and call it X-Technique, like 'X-Rays' but they're dangerous I reckon and will probably come to nothing anyway. Besides, I don't trust doctors, so maybe a more mystical name is the way to go. Suggestions to none@westnet.com.au.